Process Journal Entry Eight

19^th of June, 2013

 

Today I continued with my research, however, this time I went to the internet to find blogs about how people with depression feel. I looked at two blogs today, one of a grown man and one of a teenage girl to get a wide variety of information.

 

Depression Blogs: http://www.storiedmind.com/living-depression/

• Described as: “Not a mental illness but one that interferes with the functioning of the human body in many ways. The brain and the central nervous system, the heart and blood vessels, the immune system, our bones…”

 

Depression and Anger

By: John Folk Williams

http://www.storiedmind.com/anger/depression-anger-destructive-partnership/

• “There had been periods in my life when I had stormed and raged with my unfortunate family for no apparent reason”

 

• “Sometimes, and I hate to think back on it, I got violent, threw things around, hit my sons. Mostly I mistreated them by yelling down whatever they tried to say.”

 

• “I had been swinging from one mood to another, a period of explosive anger followed by a period of deep depression.”

 

• Brain says: “I’m so tired and sickened with life. I have so much but so little to live for, im so confused….help me. Help my loved and hated ones….”

 

• Grant says:

 

•  “I made a rather weak attempt at suicide by a medication overdose. Fortunately, my ignorance saved me as I didn’t “take enough” meds. But it didn’t take too long for me to notice that my attempt was a result of my anger.”

 

• “I didn’t want to take it out on others, I took it out on myself.”

 

• “When they (DVD players) didn’t work the way I wanted them to, I would calmly unplug them, smash them to pieces, then throw them away.”

 

Depressed: No Friends, No Life

By: John Folk Williams

http://www.storiedmind.com/isolation/depressed-no-friends-no-life/

• “Depression pushes me away from them (people).”

 

• “When I reached out for support, some friends were sympathetic but at a loss as to what they could do to help. And, of course, some friends are not in the habit of probing their own emotional lives and run from the idea of listening to someone else trying to go deeply into feelings. “

 

• “Then there was the isolating drive of depression, the belief that I was in too much pain to face anyone – too lost in despair to move.”

 

• “At other times, anxiety and fear could hold me back from talking freely.

 

• Cathi says: “Feeling invisible, not sensing anyone with whom I can share the real feelings and thoughts I live with”

 

Depression Blogs: http://thediaryofadepressedteenagegirl.blogspot.ch/

• “I’m tired of putting on a facade that I am okay. A fake smile hurts more than tears. Words cannot describe my feelings.”

 

• “I hate it… (being home school) I feel alone most days because it’s just my mom and I. And if you knew my mom you know that isn’t good company. All she does is yell and blame me for all her problems.

 

• “I just have been hibernating inside the house because the outside world doesn’t seem appealing anymore.”

 

• “I’ve realized that depression, drug/alcohol addiction, and anxiety doesn’t care how old you are or pick a stereotype. It grabs anyone it can devour. I have also discovered that I am missing something. I feel empty. I have tried filling that void with drugs, alcohol, and cutting.”

 

• “In reality I’m a Varsity Cheerleader, I sing in a choir, and I go to church every Sunday. Everyone only sees my smile. I’m a pretty damn good actress. I have people tell me that I am the happiest person they have ever met. When truly I am aching inside.”

 

• “Lately since I have been grounded I have been cutting a lot. I hide it by cutting on my legs. I’m ashamed to let anyone know. Most people who ever never cut don’t understand the feeling it gives you. Cutting relieves you from emotional pain because your body is so caught up with the physical pain. You get a high from it and it’s very addicting.”

 

• “I started trying to fill this void by trying to be perfect in order to get my parents approval. I never got it and I don’t think I ever will. It’s the cold truth.”

 

• “I slept until 4 p.m. because I didn’t feel like getting up and facing life. I’m “tired of living, but scared of dying.””

 

• “A pill to make you numb, a pill to you make you dumb, a pill to make you anybody else, but all the drugs in this world won’t save me from myself.”